nadz0r: (Default)
[personal profile] nadz0r
I haven't known how to say this all day - but this thing documents all the most important things in my life. And there probably aren't more important people in my life than my gran. At 5am this morning, I got the phonecall from my mum. My grandma (or mah-mah) passed away in the early hours this morning. She hasn't been well for ages. Last night, she was gasping for air (she's been very breathless), all of my aunts, my mum, my dad and the pastor went over. Before they left, my dad gave her some morphine (to help her get some rest) and she didn't make it to morning.

My mum couldn't say much (obviously) and didn't want to call my sister (she just got home from overseas last night) in case she was asleep/affected from travelling. I got out of bed and shook my sis awake and told her the bad news. Gave her a hug and held it together. Went back to my room and I'm so sick, J's away and in the early hours this morning I just cried my eyes out and because of how sick I am, I couldn't breathe and quite possibly felt the worst I've felt forever.

The only thing that gives me comfort is that now I know that Mah-Mah's up in heaven, gambling up a storm at the Heaven's Roulette Table and eating all the food we haven't let her eat forever (roast duck, kiam neng/salted egg, chai poh/salted pickled vegetable) and is probably happier than she's been for a long time.

She had her birthday on Monday, which was the last time I spoke to her. I sent her a giant bunch of colourful flowers on behalf of my sis, myself and J. I was hoping that she'd make it til August, when J + I were going to visit her. But I think deep down inside, she was tired, she'd lived her life and she knew her time was done. I think she really held on for her birthday to celebrate with her daughters and sometimes, there's only so much you can do or want to do.

I know she's at peace.

We'll always miss her, but we'll always know her. Mah-mah was too much of an interferer to leave us totally alone (and that's why we loved her) - so I'm sure we'll always feel her around, just making sure we do things the way she'd want.
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March 2011

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